Shout

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Have you arrived at home from a long day of work to a chaotic household and at the end of it all you just shouting at everyone? Why though? Why have this uncontrollable shouting match with your family?

I think the route to the problem is that maybe you just tired and have had a long day. Maybe you feel like sometimes you don’t have the support of your partner, because obviously he is tired too. Maybe you don’t have control over your kids. Maybe you frustrated with some aspects of your life. Maybe just maybe for once pee without having a crying child behind the door wanting to come into the bathroom while your partner is in his ‘man cave’ playing Xbox and listening to her cries but does jack shit. All possible!

I feel like the more I shout the less they listen. In fact the shouting is quite normal for them that when you talking to them in a soft pleasant tone, they have this weird blank look on their face. I had the principle/ teacher call me in because my little one shrieks in class when she is upset and frustrated or wants something but can’t have it.

So your kids mimic you yes. Unfortunately.

I have also been told by numerous people who had looked after the girls that without me being around, the girls are well behaved and are less likely to ‘perform’ with them. The moment I step into their company, all hell breaks loose. On more than one occasion my nanny would sit speechless at their behaviour when I’m around. I think they know that pushing my buttons will get them to what they want a lot sooner. They play hard. I have learnt not to give in to their tantrums which means that their tantrums have intensified even more.

I find myself feeling like the worst mother on this planet and I’ll apologize most times because surely there is a better solution. It’s important to know when you are wrong and try to make it right. Also I have to realize that shouting doesn’t work, and it’s not that you chose to shout. You do it because you have asked many times the same thing in a polite manner that the shouting comes when you have just had enough!

I do however want to change my behaviour and have found an alternative method of dealing with our little fights we have.

  1. Show them I mean business by not giving in to their tantrums
  2. Instead of shouting, I use the 1.2.3 method, this is when you inform your child/ren of your intention to discipline them after you have counted to 3, and the most important part of this scenario is that you must follow through if they don’t listen to you. (now if only it worked on the husband, score!)
  3. Choose your battles, you give some and you take some. Saying no every single time isn’t always the answer either.
  4. Accept that the above wont always work, and look for another alternative

Some of my readers won’t like this post because their views might be different and some might relate because they have a shouting match with their family too. What are your thoughts? Are you a shouter? Do you have an alternative method of dealing with your family?

 

10 Comments
  1. Wow, this post explains everything I’m going through and feeling, Shout! I dont know how you have it because its times two for you, lol. I feel like a bad mother alot because of all the shouting and spanking. And the part where you said they different when you not around, I hear that all the time. Let me know when you find a solution, the 123 thingi dont work on Shaz.

  2. Hi Nadia, the 123 count down helps me only because I follow through, its like giving them a “warning”, “if you don’t do this I’m going to hit you”, then immediately start counting, and if they are still disobedient then I follow through with a spanking or they must go to their room and not come out until I say they can(although by the time I’m done counting, they are listening or doing what I have asked)

    Its tough though shu! Chin up 🙂

  3. Ok then i wasnt doing it right, hehehe, will try and follow through.

    • he he yes you have to be stern and show that you mean business or it wont work.

  4. This sounds like my exact situation at home. It’s insane.

    I do the shout thing and recently I’ve noticed that my 10y/o daughter does the shout thing when her siblings does not listen to her. I feel really bad about it but I am trying very hard to change it.

    • Sometimes you just need to let it out you know, and sometimes they aren’t even the route of the issue.
      We feel bad because society says that shouting and spanking your children is bad. But if we were out of line when we were kids, our parents would bliksum us and I don’t think we turned out too bad lol.
      Find an alternative that helps you shout less. Its hard and it wont always work but its worth a shot.

  5. You’ve just made me realise that I want to start a blog for this reason lol. It’s a nice outlet to just let go and I relate and there are other mommies out there sitting and thinking the same thing!

    • lol then you should totally start a blog. I’m glad that my readers are relating to me and that I’m not alone in this big world of motherhood.

  6. Slm Abieda. Absolutely inspirational. Funny thing.When I was a working mom I didnt do the shouting thing because I missed my baby too much while I was at work. I took it out on my husband mostly. BUT now that I’m a stay at home mom I tend to take my frustrations out on my little boys just as you were doing to ur little poppets. I try to keep calm all the time but im just so darn tired! Theres no discipline issues with my sons (YET) but the fact that I still SHOUT at everyone at the end of EVERYDAY just for 15 minutes to myself , is something that I think will take time and team work (Husband&Wife) to overcome. LOVE THIS BLOG. Keep it up dear.

    • HI Zahrah, im glad you enjoyed the post. Its amazing how us mothers go through the same situations without eve realizing. Sterkte x

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