Dealing with a sensitive child

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Captured by Eben Photography

Zia has become highly sensitive now that I’m well into the final stretch of my pregnancy.

At first it was little questions and comments. On Eid night my cousin innocently asked when the girls were going to sleep by her, my response was, when baby is born aunty… please (more like a plea than a comment) they didn’t say anything at that moment, but on our way home, she said to me “mommy, when baby is born, I really don’t want to sleep out, I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to stay home” naturally I told her that she doesn’t have to go anywhere she doesn’t want to go and she can stay right where she belongs, right by me and in her own bed.

Then a couple of weeks later I just got out of the shower and obviously listening to the conversation that Zia, Tazkia and Zahir was having when out of the blue she says “ Daddy, when baby is born, are you and mommy going to love him more than us” what? Oh man, that broke my heart. Of course Zahir explained to her (and Tazkia) that we will always love the three of them exactly the same, and not one of them will be loved more than the other. My heart can’t handle those feelings of insecurities but we are trying to give them a lot more attention and affection. Our reaction to their naughtiness has changed a lot in that our first reaction is to stay calm and explain to them that what they did was wrong etc. especially Zia, the moment she realises she did something wrong, she starts crying. She cries for everything now.  I do forget at times and have a shouting match but I have to check myself and try a different approach. The other day the girls were watching YouTube videos and one of the characters were crying, and the next moment, she is wiping away her tears. In these moments, I will always ask her why she is crying, she will say nothing or that she doesn’t know. Then the next question I’ll ask her is if she wants a hug, and she always says yes (and if Zahir and Tazkia is around, it ends up in a group hug). This helps a lot.

Another time she asked me if I will be ok when he is born or if I will die. I mean how you explain to a 5 year old the whole birthing/caesarean process without freaking her out? I just said that we will both be fine and that we are in the best hands possible because we have the best doctors that will work with me. She is so smart for her age.

A friend mentioned to me that I should incorporate them more in the planning of baby and suggested that I take them to store to choose a gift for baby, that they will give to him when his born, that way they will feel like they helped and was involved in the pregnancy process. I think it’s a good idea, they may just get a gift themselves. Tazkia is very good at talking to him (you must see how crazy my tummy moves when she talks to him) or she will sing to him. She will reprimand him if he kicks too hard and hurts me. It’s the most amazing thing to see. Zia isn’t that interested though, but has her moments of interacting with baby, talking to him etc.

Tips I think can help with dealing with a sensitive child:

  1. Always ask your child to explain what he or she is feeling and try to be sympathetic
  2. Spend some one on one time with each of your children
  3. Understand that this is just a phase and that your child does not understand why he or she is feeling this way, try to reassure your child of his or her presence in your life and that no other child will replace him or her and that you will not love your other children more.
  4. Try to get your children to be involved in the process or period before baby is born like picking out some clothes or toys for baby, take your child to a scan appointment (we took the girls to the 4D scan and they loved it), let your child talk to baby about his or her feelings
  5. Give lots of hugs and kisses
  6. Try not to be too aggressive or shout when your child is naughty, use alternative methods of reprimanding them. I normally use the 1, 2, 3 method or punish the girls by not buy them a gift or treat.

If you have any suggestions as to how to deal with a sensitive child. Please let me know by commenting below.

 

 

4 Comments
  1. Love! I practice the breathing too with the tantrums. I try my best to talk things through and encourage showing emotion. Difficult though.all the best with the last stretch of your pregnancy!

    • Thanks so much hun, its really a tough one because sometimes they cry out of habit, our job I suppose is to know the difference and react accordingly.
      Shukran, Im ready for baby to come shu.

  2. I’m going through the same thing with my almost 5 year old. I feel she is so sensitive and now cries for almost everything. I’m also 5 months pregnant and everybody tells me she will be better when baby arrives. I also got the will you love baby more story. And the will you die part… I feel so sad for her. She was our only baby for almost 5 years afterall.

    • I know its really hard to hear because sometimes you forget that they are only 5 years old, the key I think is to just always reassure them and be sympathetic.

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